Something a little crazy happened yesterday. I have a six-CD changer in my car, but for the past few weeks I have been jumping around from Radiohead’s The Bends to Spoon’s Kill the Moonlight (sometimes I listen to “Jonathan Fisk” over and over just so I can listen to Britt’s little moan at the beginning) and Eels’ Beautiful Freak, ignoring the other CDs in there, pretty much. So yesterday I am driving around San Diego, a beautiful Saturday morning, and Takk comes on. After one minute, maybe two, of listening, I was suddenly gripped by this overwhelming sense of sadness. It was, well, almost crippling, and I almost had to pull over. Instead I kept driving, all over OB, stopping at stop signs and sitting there not knowing what to do and what the hell this was all about.

For a while I played with it in my mind. Just like everyone else, I am worried and scared and horrified by what is going on in the world, but it wasn’t that. I am really super bummed that I probably can never take wine or water on an airplane anymore and I am really not looking forward to flying through London in October if I have to check my cameras and carry my passport around in a plastic bag. But this is not freaking me out so bad I can’t breathe.

So finally it dawned on me. Takk. Nancy. Duh.

Nancy Lytle died suddenly a year ago last Thursday, and I wrote about it, but it was an angry piece, and I pulled it down. I think about Nancy all the time, and of course thought about her Thursday night as I sipped on many glasses of wine at the Vine (always the self-medicator, me.) But the sense of loss and sadness that gripped me yesterday was so overwhelming, and it was Takk that brought it on. Because one day after Nancy died I drove to Hollywood to see Sigur Ros at the Avalon, and heard those songs for the first time – the record wasn’t even out yet.

The music in my car brought me back to a grief a year old. It was the craziest thing. The heart, the mind. Crazy. Once I understood, I forced myself to listen to the entire record, and I drove all the way over to Pacific Beach and back. I drove and listened and tried to process it. It was a major relief when it was done and The Bends came back on.

I really, really miss Nancy. I am crying right now. But Brian has promised to play The Eraser and Gimme Fiction at the Vine later, because it is Sunday. And that is something to look forward to.

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