When I was taking care of my nephew Ryan a couple of months ago with my mom, there was one night when Ryan totally flipped out and started crying insanely. Tears were spewing from his red and puffy face and they would not stop. My mom kept saying, “those are real tears.”

Today it was my turn. I woke up all sad that I will be leaving Berlin soon, but tonight was suppose to be the Arcade Fire show. This was a big night for me and one that I invested a lot of emotion in.

My phone was down this morning so I went to the internet cafe first thing to email Tom, and that is where I got the news – that Arcade Fire has cancelled the next nine shows. I burst into tears, spewing the walls with water. It was, is, a devastating blow.

I went home and cried hard until my face was approaching something unrecognizable. I do not think I have cried that hard since 2001, I almost thought I would puke. Then in an effort to calm down I poured myself a medicinal shot of wine and went on the balcony. My day was destroyed, but the weather remained stellar.

Just then Tom showed up. He had read the night before about the Arcade Fire cancelling and had been trying to call me but something was wrong with my phone so he just showed up. We spent the day walking around Berlin and it was nice but it has proved hard for me to let this go. I should be on the rail right now seeing one of my favorite bands.

I’m trying to put it in perspective. Perhaps I should go to the Topography of Terror tomorrow, the exhibit of the Nazi Torture methods. My real tears mean nothing. But they are tears just the same and my heart is heavy tonight.

Maybe it is because I am traveling and when you travel every emotion is magnified.

In the meantime if anyone can hook a sister up with a ticket to the Arcade Fire show at the Greek Theater in Berkeley I will find a way to get there.

I’ve only got four days left. Gotta dismiss this heavy heart and get back to the happiness I knew yesterday. What a spoiled wanker I am.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 27th, 2007 at 11:40 am and is filed under Berlin. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.