There are some things that have been puzzling me lately, like how come people go Christmas shopping on the day after Thanksgiving? I mean, why would someone put themselves through that hell?

Also, why do people buy crap for each other? By crap I mean, crappy presents. Like bad scarves and cheap calendars. It is a science, buying good presents. Good scientists don’t shop at crappy malls.

When I was living in San Francisco, I used to go down to Union Square around Christmas, to look at the big tree in Union Square and have a Gibson at Scala or Champagne at the Rotunda at Neiman Marcus. Shopping didn’t get me down there – the drinks did. I love the Rotunda at Neiman Marcus. The big tree almost hitting the fantastic ceiling, the children dressed up in outfits that cost more than my whole wardrobe, the bartenders who are just regular guys and who are nice to everybody, even people with safety-pin piercings in their eyebrows. To get up to the Rotunda though, you have to (unless you know the secret trick) walk across the ground floor to the escalator. And on the way, even in this most expensive of stores, they have tables and tables of the most hideous and bizarre crap, only priced at $69.95 instead of $19.95. Same ugly scarf, only it’s cashmere instead of polyester. Something like that.

It’s one of the only things I miss about San Francisco, along with the Thai House and my old roommates and friends – barhopping in Union Square at a great cost once a year at Christmastime. Well maybe not only at Christmastime – there were also those afternoons after getting my teeth cleaned at 450 Suffer Street. Whateves, those days are gone.

I’ve already done all my shopping and I did it in Venice so everyone will be happy, just to get an item from Venice. Everything seems better when you hauled it from a foriegn country, even slippers. But I am not the gift genius in my family – that would be my brother Jay. He always goes crazy and spends too much money, but he manages to pick out the best stuff. Last year he got me a set of regulation Bocce Balls and Jeff Buckley Live at Sine, among other things. That’s pretty good, eh? My brother Tom gave me a juicer and I haven’t even used it in almost a year, because it takes up half my kitchen. Maybe I’ll wrap it up and give it back to him, heh heh.

Onward. Only three more shopping weeks ’till Christmas, but you won’t find moi anywhere near a store. Unless there is a cool place to have a Gibson inside.

And if I told you, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore, but have a look around and you’ll figure it out on your own.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 3rd, 2004 at 7:27 pm and is filed under Tales from a Strange Land. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.