Sleeping Alone
Monday, October 25th, 2004Somehow, life for me has taken a rather abrupt turn. It wasn’t like I didn’t want it, or didn’t expect it to eventually happen. It’s just that it happened sooner, and quicker, than I thought it would. From one way of life back to another, in a heartbeat. It’s a good thing I am adaptable. I’m not sure I can handle life not changing constantly. It’s been my only constant, change. I foresee Paris soon, perhaps at Thanksgiving. Just because I can, and because I cannot sit still, especially when I am alone.
I think it might surprise people that some days I go without speaking to a single person. I hate chatter. I think this may be a fatal flaw. At least where relationships are concerned. Why is talking so important, anyway? I have always been fascinated with deaf people. Once I fell in love with a deaf guy in a bar who had cat’s eyes. He looked at me all slanty eyed and he could not speak and I will never, ever forget the way he looked at me. Once, one of my ex-boyfriends was writing a book about a guy who started a cult, and I wanted him to make the guy deaf. I thought that would be so cool, a deaf cult leader.
I guess I will probably go deaf eventually, because I am truly reckless when it comes to Giant Speakers. Or maybe I was deaf in a past life, hence my fascination with and my proclivity for deafness. Whatever, in the end it was just a guy with cat’s eyes that did it.
One of the best things about ending one thing is thinking about something that could possibly begin and just thinking about things beginning leads one to think about things that might have begun, but didn’t, like Cat Eyes (and that was fifteen fucking years ago.) At least it is for me.