One step forward, two steps back
Friday, July 2nd, 2004I saw a bumper sticker today, that said “The Older I Get, the Better I Was.”
Better? Maybe not. But after seeing that, I tried to sort out all the things I once was. What was I before, and what am I now?
Getting older really sucks when you start to think about this shit. Lots of people say, “oh, I am so much happier now that I am older.” OK, sure, but what do you lose, and what do you gain, beyond the losing of the looks/figure and gaining the experience/resume? I, for one, am sorely pissed about the one-chocolate-candy-adding-a-pound-to-my-tummy-problem. But I am way, way more upset, even to the point of tears sometimes, about the loss of my wide-eyedness. The loss of my innocence, if there ever was such a thing.
I sometimes talk myself into that “I am so much happier” thing. So yeah, age can cure you of anxiety and desperation (according to some people.) Maybe, you just stop caring about being emotional all the time. But the bottom line is, there is no such thing as happiness. There are only temporary cures for unhappiness.
Mi dio, how did this all come from a stupid bumper sticker? To be totally honest, this (the there is no such thing as happiness thing) is something I have believed all along. I was never wide-eyed or innocent – I was always old. It all comes down to less stamina and more hangovers. That is the root of the real problem. I’ve got to face that, and move on. Still asking the question, what was I before, and what am I now?
